Ever looked at someone and think to yourself that the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead and its lifeless little body is just being tossed around?
That pretty much nails the look on the faces of people who see me everyday...
I was 3 months in this continent when I first saw that look handed to me by my house help when I told her to 'chop' me some onions. I wondered why, at that moment, that she gave me the "look" and also wondered why I had to repeat the same thing thrice with the volume of my voice only going higher. Though in a few moments I would know, "chop" meant "eat" and you would understand the "holy titties" look on my face when I saw her try and stuff the onion into her mouth...
Since then, me being someone who loves the taste of my foot, have been making Nigerians do stupid shit on account of my "lack of local lingo knowledge"... And I admit, I do get a laugh or two out from it. Here are a few words that you might want to scream out in crowded places when you're in Nigeria if you are as fucked up in the head as I am and think that's just hilarious.
First, clearly is "Nyash" meaning buttocks, booty. So if you're doing the baby got back Nigerian version, it would go something like this: "em got round nyash I no go lie, me otha broda no deny, when em girl dey walka with small small waist,in they put em round thin in ya face"..
Then is my personal favorite "Toto",(pronounced aw toe) you know how people scream "AUTO" in India, yeah that pretty much means "VAGINA" in Nigeria.
And when you want to curse someone like me yelling out these wonderful words on the street, then you show the palm of your hand and say "shege" (pronounced SHAG-E) which pretty much means rot in hell.
If you're the 50 year old kinds that I mention in my 'not enough soap to launder my scarred adulthood' then you might want to know that "Ashawo" is Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, only not pretty but bald with a toupee, definitely a way bigger nyash and if you're the lucky kinds then one of the STD's.
Though there is one phrase that's used here like it is around the world which I don't get. I personally think it's stupid to call them "family jewels" if I can't wear them like a tiara on special occasions.
Know these few words and add 'O' at the end of the sentence and you're golden-O.
Though I've had my rough times here in Nigeria, as you have understood in my previous posts, I think I've grown a liking towards the person I am when I'm in this country. I still hate the place though, don't get me wrong, but like I said, I like who I become when I'm here. As a wise person once made a mention of me oh so kindly, and I quote- "I feel bad for Nigeria".
Just like the anonymous fan who read my first clinically deranged writeup and still came back for the second, I too wouldn't write off Nigeria and would definitely come back for more, although for me sometimes to do something that stupid, it takes a week of 'quality' time in India to make me really appreciate coming back to this place.
On that note, I'm now left thinking that based upon the influx of new 'anonymous' followers, my sex video must have finally found it's way to YouTube...
That pretty much nails the look on the faces of people who see me everyday...
I was 3 months in this continent when I first saw that look handed to me by my house help when I told her to 'chop' me some onions. I wondered why, at that moment, that she gave me the "look" and also wondered why I had to repeat the same thing thrice with the volume of my voice only going higher. Though in a few moments I would know, "chop" meant "eat" and you would understand the "holy titties" look on my face when I saw her try and stuff the onion into her mouth...
Since then, me being someone who loves the taste of my foot, have been making Nigerians do stupid shit on account of my "lack of local lingo knowledge"... And I admit, I do get a laugh or two out from it. Here are a few words that you might want to scream out in crowded places when you're in Nigeria if you are as fucked up in the head as I am and think that's just hilarious.
First, clearly is "Nyash" meaning buttocks, booty. So if you're doing the baby got back Nigerian version, it would go something like this: "em got round nyash I no go lie, me otha broda no deny, when em girl dey walka with small small waist,in they put em round thin in ya face"..
Then is my personal favorite "Toto",(pronounced aw toe) you know how people scream "AUTO" in India, yeah that pretty much means "VAGINA" in Nigeria.
And when you want to curse someone like me yelling out these wonderful words on the street, then you show the palm of your hand and say "shege" (pronounced SHAG-E) which pretty much means rot in hell.
If you're the 50 year old kinds that I mention in my 'not enough soap to launder my scarred adulthood' then you might want to know that "Ashawo" is Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, only not pretty but bald with a toupee, definitely a way bigger nyash and if you're the lucky kinds then one of the STD's.
Though there is one phrase that's used here like it is around the world which I don't get. I personally think it's stupid to call them "family jewels" if I can't wear them like a tiara on special occasions.
Know these few words and add 'O' at the end of the sentence and you're golden-O.
Though I've had my rough times here in Nigeria, as you have understood in my previous posts, I think I've grown a liking towards the person I am when I'm in this country. I still hate the place though, don't get me wrong, but like I said, I like who I become when I'm here. As a wise person once made a mention of me oh so kindly, and I quote- "I feel bad for Nigeria".
Just like the anonymous fan who read my first clinically deranged writeup and still came back for the second, I too wouldn't write off Nigeria and would definitely come back for more, although for me sometimes to do something that stupid, it takes a week of 'quality' time in India to make me really appreciate coming back to this place.
On that note, I'm now left thinking that based upon the influx of new 'anonymous' followers, my sex video must have finally found it's way to YouTube...
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