You know that little voice we all have that keeps us from doing dumb shit? Well, mine spoke French... I had no clue what she said, but I probably tried to boink her when I hit puberty, I ain't too sure, but I think that's when she took off...
Since then I've always said and done stupid shit and somehow (as the few unfortunate soul's who read not enough soap to cleanse my karma probably know) I found my self among the millions of low profile "kony's" of the dark land in west Africa reduced to living among migrated (or stripped naked and chased out of the country while being flogged with potatoes) grown Indian men who talk about "pakoras" in a house full of 50 year olds at a 7 year old's birthday party... And of course, I was there too...
My question to the hosts when they barged into my house an HOUR before the "pardy" in pretext of inviting me to this emotionally scaring event was "what would I do there? Do u want me to dress up as a clown or do I already look strange enough to u people" (considering a jerk like me is normal midst u bunch of weird looking fucks) and the reply, of course was "kya?" "Humara bache ka pardy hai, saath bhaje" to which I could only shrug and nod in disappointment...
Now, I was standing in a house that sounded like a local bar, wondering why this little dude (who I swear to Lucifer made me want to chop off my genitalia so I never create one of them)'s birthday party, have a picture of his framed and decorative lights all around it which only made someone like me, with an active imagination, think to myself "phew one down, a billion more to go".
Walking around trying to amuse myself, I get to the make shift bar where they served an unlimited supply of cheap and probably expired liquor and hence had drunk aged balding fat men who all probably have pygophilia or boobophillia and were not ashamed to talk about it, crowding the cheap liquor stash....
I then realized among the 40 odd people who came there I knew 2, the father of the little bugger growing a year older and the doorway that brought this creature to life or who I later referred to as the "big woman dressed in what I could only imagine was a bastardized shiny version of the Indian flag" out loud after a few beers, surrounded by people I just met...
Yeah, I wished the french bitch didn't leave me too, she probably would have told me to shut the fuck up, I wouldn't understand her though but she would have probably kept my mind busy with her provocative dressing...
Lesson learned, the next time I get invited to these pitiful, lame excuse to drink free cheap liquor, all in the name of a 7 year old , I'd find my self an alligator pit and jump crotch first into the alligators mouth... Not that I'm into that kinda thing sexually...
People seriously need to start inviting 7 year olds to a 7 year old's birthday, and leave me till when they decide to do something productive, like go to Hooters and have me order "two big jugs of anything" and giggle to myself...
On that note, this writing a blog thing is great for my sex life.. It helps me forget that I don't have one... Or like a basically blah annoying friend of mine says "u have a wilting tulip!"
Since then I've always said and done stupid shit and somehow (as the few unfortunate soul's who read not enough soap to cleanse my karma probably know) I found my self among the millions of low profile "kony's" of the dark land in west Africa reduced to living among migrated (or stripped naked and chased out of the country while being flogged with potatoes) grown Indian men who talk about "pakoras" in a house full of 50 year olds at a 7 year old's birthday party... And of course, I was there too...
My question to the hosts when they barged into my house an HOUR before the "pardy" in pretext of inviting me to this emotionally scaring event was "what would I do there? Do u want me to dress up as a clown or do I already look strange enough to u people" (considering a jerk like me is normal midst u bunch of weird looking fucks) and the reply, of course was "kya?" "Humara bache ka pardy hai, saath bhaje" to which I could only shrug and nod in disappointment...
Now, I was standing in a house that sounded like a local bar, wondering why this little dude (who I swear to Lucifer made me want to chop off my genitalia so I never create one of them)'s birthday party, have a picture of his framed and decorative lights all around it which only made someone like me, with an active imagination, think to myself "phew one down, a billion more to go".
Walking around trying to amuse myself, I get to the make shift bar where they served an unlimited supply of cheap and probably expired liquor and hence had drunk aged balding fat men who all probably have pygophilia or boobophillia and were not ashamed to talk about it, crowding the cheap liquor stash....
I then realized among the 40 odd people who came there I knew 2, the father of the little bugger growing a year older and the doorway that brought this creature to life or who I later referred to as the "big woman dressed in what I could only imagine was a bastardized shiny version of the Indian flag" out loud after a few beers, surrounded by people I just met...
Yeah, I wished the french bitch didn't leave me too, she probably would have told me to shut the fuck up, I wouldn't understand her though but she would have probably kept my mind busy with her provocative dressing...
Lesson learned, the next time I get invited to these pitiful, lame excuse to drink free cheap liquor, all in the name of a 7 year old , I'd find my self an alligator pit and jump crotch first into the alligators mouth... Not that I'm into that kinda thing sexually...
People seriously need to start inviting 7 year olds to a 7 year old's birthday, and leave me till when they decide to do something productive, like go to Hooters and have me order "two big jugs of anything" and giggle to myself...
On that note, this writing a blog thing is great for my sex life.. It helps me forget that I don't have one... Or like a basically blah annoying friend of mine says "u have a wilting tulip!"
Wow. Shouldn't you just be happy they invited your sorry ass and gave you free food and drink? What a mean mean person. I feel bad for Nigeria.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha!!! ^^ Hahahahahaha!!!!
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