Not enough soap… to wash off the Brown…

Weirdos seem to be drawn to me!

If I let my guard down and turn off my sarcasm for just a moment, I get stuck with some fucking idiot telling me his sob story just because we originate from the same country. I don't fucking care if your aunt went belly up or if you had your freaking hernia operated!

I have my own problems to deal with that are more serious - like I fall off the bed every freaking night trying to reach for the ashtray; what the fuck is that about? I fart to scare other people’s children who want me to answer their damn toy phones every interaction I have with them. I have this insane urge to piss people off so they just stay the fuck away from me....

Wait, I know.... What you need is to meet with people who give a fuck, like an AAA cult, or what we have here who I call an Annoying Association of Assholes. They are a step ahead even - a new sad bunch of nincompoops who call themselves "The Indian cultural association of Nigeria". “Really? What culture?” was my first question. 

All I've seen them do in the last few months was go door to door at 10pm in the fucking night saying, "You're Indian, it's the compulsory to be part of this association" and demand I pay a sum to be part of their unfortunate excuse for existence.  Half sleepy and just wanting to get rid of the smelly leech on my front door, I paid, not knowing that one mistake would lead to a series of emails and phone calls demanding my presence to "Vote" for an election that I didn't give two shits about. I’ll tell u what, I’ll vote!!! I’ll vote my ass off, you low life penny pincher with hardly an ounce of culture to even tie your shoelace without burping loud. Bunch of scum, I will vote you “most likely dumbass”!

With all that frustration causing a pain in my rectum, I took deep breaths and when "Voting" day came, I tried to maintain calm and lock myself inside a room so I don't lose all sanity and blend in with them, which is probably the worst thing that could happen next to the winning sperm in "Skybrawl or Something Like It" who I can guarantee is the biological creation of two members of the above mentioned clan. Two people from that group should NOT be allowed to have unprotected sex!!! It’s just bad for the universe when you idiots bring in more smelly mannerless jackasses into this world!!! 

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against you people (if, unfortunately, you happen to stumble on my blog), I just don't get the excessive drinking and screaming and unruly behavior whilst eating pan parag and using the infamous "maa chod and behen chod" in every sentence while throwing the paper plate on the floor and trying to aim-spit the pan remains on the shoes of the person sitting next to you.
The country I come from, the India I remember, is a wonderful place with well mannered people who have a whole lot of culture and class, and you hand full lot getting thrown out of restaurants not being able to handle the quantity of liquor intake, spoil it for the rest of us all around the world!!!

And more over, I'm sorry, but tomorrow is the last Saturday of the month and I love the Nigerians for declaring it "Sanitation day", other than a Sunday. THIS is the only other day I get to sleep in later than this-is-a-weird-time-for-a-boner o’clock in the morning, the country DEMANDS it. Really. Well, not really to sleep in late, but to stay indoors and clean - if you're found on the streets any time before 10am in the morning you WOULD be arrested. Ohhh, don't I love this country... Isn't that bloody cool? 

So, NO, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be ruining my two-day hibernation by voting for your cult leader or being part of your school for Indian students! I'd rather send my spawn (god knows I'd have one only if the condom snapped and she's super fertile) to a Nigerian school instead, where the people who teach ACTUALLY know some English and can frame a sentence without a grammatical error - not just have a school open because you're a clan and you know you can make money off the stupid door knobs from your own clan!

Now that is a problem right there! It’s like, HOUSTON, forget about the whole other thing, this shit's messed up!